Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
