no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
