You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
