My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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