imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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