He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
