So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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