Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
