He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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