If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
