Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
