I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
