Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
