im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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