I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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