You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
