dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
