I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
