Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
