I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
