Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
