So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
