The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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