I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
