WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
