god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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