I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
