What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
