Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
