Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
