She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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