Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
