i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
