So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
