She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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