I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
