My balls are so social today.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
