her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
