not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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