Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
