i don't plan on having that self control this summer
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
