im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
this hospital has no fireball
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
