I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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