I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
