Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
