i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
