theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
