Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
