Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
