and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
bring money and cleavage
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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