I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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