things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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