i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
