I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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