If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
