My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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