I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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