i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm too high and old for this...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
