I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
